February 7, 2007

Cancer Cures Promiscuity

Perplexed? I was too until I penetrated the inner logic of this argument against mandatory administration of the HPV vaccine.

So here it goes: fear of contracting cervical cancer will suppress promiscuous urges and encourage moral and upright behavior, in the same way that AIDS and pregnancy have done in the past. This is just one more arrow in the quiver.

Now I have a daughter, and it is my hope that, when faced with decisions of consequence, she will be able to rely on her judgement and strength of character, two parentally-mediated traits that come from within, but hey- that's just me. Fear is so popular these days, I can see why parents would embrace it.

To be effective, the fear of cancer must itself be innoculated in the budding youth. For example, you could say "if you have sex, you'll get cancer!" This works so well with smoking and lung cancer, I'm sure it will easily overpower teenage groinal urges.

As a fallback option, should the vaccine become mandatory, you could say "if you have sex, I'll burn you with a hot poker!" Is that more mean-sounding? I can't tell.

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